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HUMOUR

OPENING THE CLOWN CHAKRA














One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher "Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"? The teacher ponders for a moment, looks up and down the river, and yells back "My son, you are on the other side".


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A father knocks on his son's door. "Wake up son" he says. His son replies "I don't want to wake up father". The father shouts "get up, you have to go to school". The son says "I don't want to go to school". "Why not?" asks the father. "Three reasons" says the son ... "First, because it's so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school". And the father says "Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster". Wake up, wake up! You've grown up. You're too big to sleep. Wake up! Stop playing with your toys (quoted and adapted from AWARENESS by Anthony de Mello)


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Before you criticize someone, you should first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you also have their shoes.


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A wandering monk walked barefoot everywhere he went, such that the soles of his feet eventually became quite thick and leathery. And because he ate very little, he gradually became frail. Several days often passed between opportunities to brush his teeth, so he usually had very bad breath. Therefore, throughout the region, he came to be known as the 'supercalloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis'.


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New Age Saying: Never drive faster than your angel can fly.


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Buddhist Saying: Don't just do something ... sit there!


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What did the yogi say to the waiter in the pizzeria? - "Make me one with everything".


When the yogi got the pizza, he gave the waiter a 20 dollar bill. The waiter didn't return with any change, so the yogi asked "don't I get any change?", to which the waiter replied "Change must come from within".


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Two psychic friends meet up. One says to the other "you are fine, how am I?".


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When asked what he thought about western civilization, Gandhi replied that it would be a good idea!


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Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?


A: Because they have no attachments.


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Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to take to change a light bulb?


A: None. They are the light bulb.


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Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?


A: Three. One to change it; one to not change it; and one to both not change it and change it.


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Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?


A: Leaves falling in a forest.


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Disciple: Oh wise and all-knowing one, please show me the place of perfect peace.


Master: If I show it to you, it will no longer be peaceful.


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Albert Einstein is reported to have said: "Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former".


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A Zen Master once said to his student "do the opposite of whatever I tell you". So, he didn't.


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"I had a dream that I was awake, and I woke up to find myself asleep" (Stan Laurel)


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"Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems" (from 'Sayings of a Jewish Buddhist')


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"Deep inside, you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist!"

(from 'Sayings of a Jewish Buddhist')